The day the music died

The day the music died.

Wednesday 15th January.                              
We started the day as normally as we could. We walked to school and as we walked Finlay said "why do you and mummy fight!". I started to think, why is Finlay asking this. The only possible reason I could think of was because he was aware that mummy was crying a lot and he thought that we were fighting. A sensible boy and very intuitive.
That morning when we arrived at the school we met two other friends that we shared the info with and i also informed the teachers.. one of the friends is a doctor and the first question she asked Elaine was "how are you sleeping." Elaine replied "I'm not". Well lets sort that out and later prescribed a drug to help. Wow what a difference sleep makes. We were at braking point and didn't even know. That night Elaine slept for the first time, not even waking when Finlay came into our room as he does most nights, i on the other hand woke up  with very little space in the bed, being kicked by Finlay and an overwhelming fear.

The whole week passed with no answers forth coming and the roller coaster of emotions never stopped. Music didn't help, every song had some sad lyrics,  every love you said by the kids was emotional beyond belief.  Seeing old people holding hands, or old people sitting in the conservatory in the hospital just sparked an emotional out break. My emotions were hypersensitive.

Friday 17th we called the surgeons office.  still no results from the pathology lab. we arranged to go for a ski in the afternoon but received a call at noon asking us  to call in to the hospital to see the surgeon at 1230. we raced down to the hospital were we were told that we have an appointment booked with the other surgeon on Thurday next week, a whole week away.  We also found out that Elaine had a squamous carcinoma and it was malignant. oh s**t. The CT scan was clear with just a couple of concerns.  I tried very hard to control my emotions to keep strong for Elaines sake.

The whole weekend was hard and started with a trip to the emergency unit Friday night. The doc was great and helped go through the CT results with Elaine.
Sunday we tried to explain to the kids what was happening.  I even used an cardboard tube from a kitchen roll and rolled a small ball down to replicate food traveling down the esophagus,  then I put a lump (a small rolled up piece of paper taped in side the tube and then rolled the ball down again. Finlay liked it so much that he played for the next hour with it.

 Jan 20th, Monday morning Elaine called the new surgeon to confirm the booking,  she asked if they had any sooner appointments and was told no, she broke into tears on the phone. ten minutes after putting the phone down the surgery called back and had arranged to see Elaine on Tuesday at 5 pm.
that was it then, we arranged for the kids to be looked after and traveled to Calgary the next day.

The surgeon was amazing with Elaine and explained everything with a positive spin. we were still worried yet felt positive. He told Elaine to stay away from the sugars and arranged for a Endoscopic Ultrasound on the Thursday so that it could be staged.

Thursday 23rd.
We traveled into Calgary for 7 am, a neighbor came round at 5am to babysit the kids and take them to school. Elaine was admitted and I hung around the hospital. At 11 o'clock I was allowed to see Elaine, again we had to wait for the doc to see us. It was awful, the tumor was all the way through the wall of the esophagus and had a focal point touching the aorta , they were unable to see if it was just touching or invading. they diagnosed it as a T4b 2n. Elaine was inconsolable. I called our surgeon straight away and got his voice mail. To our surprise he called back and arranged to meet us at his surgery at  1230 during his lunch. Again he was great with Elaine and put everything back into perspective. He also arranged to meet with the cancer board on the Tuesday and arranged for Elaine to meet the radiation and medical oncologists the following Thursday. We will be receiving both radiation and chemo therapy before the operation.

Most days we have tried to get a little exercise, Elaine has always functioned better with exercise and I certainly saw a difference in her demeanor during our cross country skiing days, in fact most of you would of seen the photographs posted on Facebook. Exercise truly is good for the soul.