Well a birthday is supposed to be a day of celebration and fun. The day was good and James and I went out for lunch and chose some fabric for the new furniture that we will be ordering.
We collected the children from school and were at home around 4.30 waiting to go out for dinner . I received a phone call from the surgeon Dr Mitchell, who said that they wanted to do biopsies on the liver and that it would depend on the results as to whether the surgery would go ahead, while I was speaking to the surgeon, the home phone rang and James took it up stairs. When I asked him who was on the phone he said it was a colleague from work. However I knew by his reaction that it was not the case.
I was in tears as I knew the implications of the news that I had received. The children were so excited to go out for the meal that we continued with our plans and headed for the restaurant. I sat in tears over dinner, my whole had fallen apart for the umpteenth time this year.
When we returned home and the kids were in bed , James and I were alone, I asked again who was on the phone and that I knew it wasn't his friend. he told me that it was Dr Sinha and explained what he had said. We both were crying with despair. What a terrible way to spend a Birthday.
The next day I went for a hike up Sulphur Mountain with Karen and Erin from work. It was alovely day with gently falling snow. We chatted and was able to take my mind off the depressing news that we had been told the day before. We went for some lunch in Banff and ordered some tickets to see the horse show called Cavallia in Calgary
Saturday James, me , Heather and Finlay drove into Calgary to see the show. Karen was with her old friend and welcomed us at the top of the stairs. The show was fantastic, the best show I have ever seen , the gymnasts and acrobats and horses were amazing, Heather sat on my knee the whole way through and Finlay had a permanent smile on his face. Karen brought us some interval snacks from the VIP lounge and we had a wonderful day.
Sunday we had a lovely cycle ride with the kids round the river then I met some friends at the iron goat for a tea. I broke the news to my friends . It was devastating. Later we went to our neighbors for dinner. All in all a lovely weekend with friends and family.
Wednesday I had my Liver biopsies, so that was an emotional day. James and I hardly spoke on the way in early in the morning, and cried a lot saying how we had felt cheated and scared. Brian took the kids to school.The biopsies had left me in some pain and found it hard to stand and sit. I knew I was meeting the book club girls that night. I spoke with Andrea and discussed my fears for the future, my children and James, I spoke of how I felt as if I was in a corner with no way out, resources depleted. How I needed to re evaluate my faith, how my live would be cut in half, without my children or anybody beside me. How I would miss out on the next 40 years, seeing my kids grow up, marry and have kids of there own. Life is going to go on, I will not be there and that destroys me inside. We met the rest of the girls inside at Leslie,s house and had a nice evening chatting and laughing, it was nice to talk about regular things, but makes me sad that I feel different and have my mortality hanging over my head. We had another quick discussion and a few tears, then came home to James for the night.
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