While visiting in Aviemore, a strange feeling of regret came over me. after all the decisions and life changing paths James and I have been through in the past six years. It was Inverness area and Aviemore that I had said that we would consider to return to after our year in canada, which had turned into 18months. When we had arrived in Aviemore during our three weeks at home in Jan 2006, we had enjoyed the area and had visited the Fire hall there, during our tough decision whether to return to the UK or to continue our adventure in Canada. The fire hall had stated that there were no jobs at present however they would keep James' contact details and communicate in due course. We had had a brief look round Inverness as it had been a few years since we had holidied there, but to be honest, were a little disappointed, but had loved Aviemore with my parents.
During our time in the UK I had been feeling very emotional and during the three weeks there found out that we were pregnant. This now threw a whole new dimension to our decision making. Would we take up our old jobs in Nottingham, live in our old house have family surrounding us and look at moving up to Inverness in due course once jobs were in place, with a new baby and no maternity income. Or would we see how James got on in his final exam for the Calgary fire department and continue our new life in Canada. The next two weeks was an emotional roller coaster and found me feeling that it was time to come home, however there was something also pulling me toward a lifestyle in Canada that I knew I couldn't give my children in the UK. However they would be close to family.
Well we never really made a decision as such and we decided to see if James passed his final exam, if he passed then we would stay in Canada, if not we would try to pick up our life in UK.....He passed, so we put the house on the market, came home for a week in the May to placed our belongings in storage, shipped it to a storage unit in Canmore, hunted for a house in Canmore and continued with our jobs and James completed his training for the fire department. We had a beautiful baby girl, Heather in September and our life seemed to be on track, grandparents visited when Heather was born and I was able to visit Scotland in Jan 2007 and then again in May 2007. I had thoroughly enjoyed my maternity leave, made friends through parent groups, ran lots and continued our outdoor life xc skiing, hiking, biking, running with Heather in tow. Life was good hormones were making me feel content and settled.
When we finally got possession of our house in April 2007, we painted our house, moved our belongings in set up our laptop and checked our e-mail. James had received and e mail from Highlands and Islands fire department...18months later...saying that there were job vacancies if he was interested in applying!!! But we had just finally moved into our house after 18 months of transition and settling in and we had settled nicely into Canmore life.
Looking back now I see that if we had decided to return to the UK at that point in Jan 2006, our lives may have pathed out successfully with our goals to move to Inverness area.
Well Finlay came along not long after that July 2008 and life continued to be successful and we have enjoyed our active life here in Canmore and have shared so many amazing experiences and and out door pursuits with our children. I have a fantastic job at the Canmore hospital with a rotation that was practically made for me , 0.5 8 hour evening shift in emergency. Allowing me to spend a substantial amount of time with Heather and Finlay without having to rely too much on daycare, it also enable us to manage with James' shift work, although now he is on regular days and it continues to work well. We are both in well paid jobs.
However over the last few years as I get older, see my children grow and develop and see my parents getting older, missing family events and special moments, Heather and Finlay missing out on that all important family connection which I feel is becoming stronger and stronger within me I suddenly realised perhaps we were missing out on more than we thought. Life and time passes so quickly, nothing stays the same forever, and you cannot buy back the time that you miss. There is nothing quite like family and despite all the good friends that we have made and have been a support to us, I still feel that family are the people who are there for you no matter what or where you are...it is their wish to help out, they have invested interest and unconditional love for us and our children. When I think of all we have been through to live the lifestyle for ourselves and our family. I wonder if we have strived so much for a better lifestyle and opportunity that we have maybe gone too far and have gone passed what is actually important in life. Is it that the meaning and purpose of life is to spend it and share it with the people that love you the most...and that is your family. This is the way I see it, James, not so much. However we have now lived two lives, one in the UK and one in Canada. I want both these lives simultaneously and I cannot do that. People and friends that I know, back home have never lived another life and seem settled and content, they may not appreciate their family the way I do, and some say that they don't spend quality time with family members, whereas we do when we go home and maybe that is why I have realised the important things in life for me. I now endeavor to return every year to enable my children to embrace the culture from where their parents are from, to maintain that important relationship with their family and make that time special.
This visit that we had recently was mainly to take in Craig's wedding and again enjoy a family reunion. James and I had spent time in Ilkeston, enjoying aunts,uncles, cousins and grandparents and then we spent time in Scotland doing the same. We took a mini break to Aviemore prior to the wedding with my parents. that is when i felt the worst, when I revisited the turmoil of the decision making process we had endured 6 years previously, staying in the place where we potentially could have continued our life. As soon as we drove into Aviemore I felt at home, relaxed,yes, I could live here...I like this place. This feeling continued and released a whole bag of emotions that I wasn't expecting. Could we have made it here? Could we have enjoyed the lifestyle that is offered in Scotlands answer to Canmore? In the same country as our family and still at a distance where you are not underneath them, but enjoy regular visits. I spent alot of my time here in tears, thoughts of our life running through my mind. Wishing that we had perhaps not pursued our dreams or driven ourselves so hard and settled for a life here. However this was not reality, we were on holiday. there was no hospital until inverness, fire hall inverness an hour commute for both of us. Child care would have continued to be a problem.
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